Masturbation Machine

Few homosexuals use their real names, they generally go by aliases choosing first names with a sexual connotation; Harry, Dick, Peter are the most favoured. One drops to his knees, the other unzips his pants and a few moments later it's all over. No names, no faces, no emotions. A masturbarion machine might do it better.

Most homosexual find their man-to-man sex unfulfilling, so they masturbate a lot. Much of their masturbation centres around the anus. The question, of course, is what to use for a penis. The answer is often found in pantry. Some of the routine items which find their way into the gastrointestinal system of homosexuals via the exit are pens, pencils, lipsticks, pop bottles, ladies' electric shavers and enough other items to stock a small department store.

- Doctor David R. Reuben Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, 1971